My First Month

"How do I share my life with those far away?" is a question I have been forced to ask as half a continent and an ocean stand between me and many I love. It's funny to write about my life. I feel so, well, ordinary. Most of the things I do are every day, every person, normal things. I eat several times a day. I wait until my last pair of clean socks are on my feet to do laundry. I go to church several times a week and so the temptation over the past month has come as a little voice in my head trying to convince me that I am doing nothing. It has done it's best to persuade me that being here is pointless, fruitless and I'm more of a burden than a help. Some days, I have to admit, it does a fair job. I live in discouragement those days and my eyes are clouded by doubt and gloom. Actually my eyes are not clouded, but misdirected. Those are the days my eyes rest steadily on myself and my own ability; no wonder I end up discouraged! My eyes are meant to be on Jesus. Your eyes are meant to be on Jesus. It doesn't matter what country or place I call 'home,' my effectiveness is always directly linked to that on which I place my focus. It is that thing that becomes my vision, the seat of my affection, the pleasure of my soul.  I want to be effective, to be used by the Lord, who doesn't, but how much we need Jesus.

My prayers have become much more simple lately because I have felt this need for Jesus more than ever. I just want Jesus to be with me. I want to know that He loves me even though I'm not 'doing' a million things for Him. I want to know that He will show me what to do, what to say and when is the right time. As I pray, this amazing thing happens. He comes and meets me right in my room. No, I can't see Him, but He fills every part of me with His love and I KNOW that He is with me. I know everything will be ok, no matter what happens. I know He looks at me and is pleased, not because of what I've done, but because I'm His little girl.

From the perspective of the world, I'm a fool, doing nothing with my life, wasting my youth and talent, but God knows better. He's preparing, shaping and teaching me. He's teaching me how to quietly sit at the back of church and let someone translate for me, the only one who doesn't speak Serbian. He's teaching me to work in the coffee shop after bible study and not to be afraid to talk with those I don't know. He's teaching me to soak up all the wisdom of those who have lived through things I've only read about in books.  He's teaching me to be content, even excited, about small, simple things.

I know that God has big plans for this city and the church here. There is so much potential and strength in the church, I know many of the lost will be shown the love of Christ through them. Pray we would be filled with the Spirit!

As warmer weather comes we can do more outside and I hope that the summer will be marked by lots of outreach. I have no idea what that might look like or mean, but more people will be on the streets, in the parks and just hanging out. Pray that it would be the love of Christ that compels us to share with everyone we meet! Pray that many would be saved and experience for themselves true life!